The Work-Life Balancing Act: The Unintended Consequences of an Achievement Focus

Although success can come in many different forms, there is a version of success that looks from the outside, as if everything going to plan: a career in progression, accumulating credentials and an upward professional trajectory. Somewhere else in the middle (or around the edges) of all of that, is where the rest of life is vying for your attention: relationships, connection, the question of whether this is actually how you want to be spending your time, may have been quietly set aside, or postponed, maybe deferred, to be addressed at a later date when things settle down, when the next goal is reached, when there is finally enough time.

Often, later has a way of arriving far later than expected.

 

The achievement focus and how it develops

It is understandable that for many of us, a strong focus on professional achievement develops early in our lives. Our education systems reward it. Our families often organise their hopes and pride around it. Early success in academic or professional settings provides a kind of validation, the pursuit of which can become self-reinforcing. Each new achievement raises the bar, each new goal displaces the last, and the life outside of the achievement track receives whatever is left over, which with the increasing pace of corporate environments, may not be very much.

These patterns can be particularly common if you were raised in an environment where achievement was a primary currency of worth. Perhaps grades, results, and external markers of success were what earned approval, attention, praise, rewards, safety or even love. Adults who relentlessly pursue professional success may also at some level, still be pursuing those earlier rewards that success in childhood or adolescence used to bring.

 

What gets left behind

The things that may get deprioritised in an achievement-focused life are things that aren’t so easy to measure. Friendships which need tending and which atrophy when they are consistently placed below professional demands. Romantic relationships, which require time, attention, and a willingness to be present rather than productive. Perhaps questions of whether you want a family go unanswered, or placed just out of sight. And also, those deeper less tangible areas of self-development: knowing yourself, understanding what you truly desire in life, developing a strong relationship and knowledge or your internal world.

All these things are easy to defer because the cost of doing so is not immediately visible. It tends to become visible later: when goals are achieved and the life away from work has less relational vibrancy than you may have hoped. There may be a grief to this, questions about what (or who) it was all for. It is often this very absence that propels people towards considering therapy.

 

The question of what you actually want

Often when examining an achievement-focused life questions start to arise: ‘what do I actually want?’ Not, ‘what am I supposed to want?’ Not ‘what does success look like from the outside?’ Not, what is the next logical step up this corporate ladder?’

When we have organised our lives primarily around external markers of achievement, it can be extremely challenging to know what constitutes a life that you really feel excited about living.

 

What therapy can offer

Therapy provides a space for you to ask yourself questions about what you, genuinely, want your life to look like. You can examine your achievement focus honestly: where it came from, what it has been doing for you, and what the unintended consequences may have been.

Therapy can also offer a space to develop a clearer sense to differentiate what you actually want from what you have been pursuing. You get to ask yourself what it would mean to rebalance life in a more fulfilling and rewarding way. A life where professional and personal ambitions come together.

If an achievement focus or the pursuit of success has left you with questions about the other areas of your life, therapy could provide a safe space for you to explore your work-life rebalancing journey.

Dr Erin Reid is a counselling psychologist offering online therapy to individuals, couples, adolescents, and families across the UK and internationally. Visit drerinreid.com to find out more.