Stress: When Ordinary Pressure Becomes Something Harder to Carry

Stress is so ever-present that it has almost lost its meaning. It is the default explanation for feeling tired, irritable, or overwhelmed. It can even be valued or worn as a badge of honour. And because it is so common, it tends to be dismissed as ordinary. The result is that many people carry significant levels of stress for extended periods of time, without ever quite registering it as something that warrants attention.

 

What stress actually is

Stress is the physiological and psychological response to demands that exceed (or feel likely to exceed) our available emotional, physical and mental resources. Stress activates the body’s threat (fight or flight) response: this is the appearance of hormones and neurological changes that prepare us for action. In acute doses this response is adaptive and useful. The problem arises when the demands placed on us are chronic rather than temporary. When the threat response is activated repeatedly without adequate recovery. And when the gap between what is demanded and the resources that we have available, does not close.

Chronic stress is not simply more of the same thing. It produces a qualitatively different experience. A depletion that affects our cognitive functioning, emotional regulation, physical health, and the quality of our relationships. When we are under chronic stress we are not just 'busier', we are operating in a state of sustained nervous system activation that has a significant cumulative cost.

 

What chronic stress tends to look like

Chronic stress manifests in many different ways and is not always fully recognised. It can look like irritability without obvious cause or going through the motions without quite being present. It could be difficulty with concentrating or making decisions, physical symptoms (such as headaches, digestive problems, disrupted sleep), or a persistent low-level sense of physical unease. It might be emotional flatness or detachment or a loss of libido. It could also be the growing inability to enjoy things that previously evoked a sense of fun.

All of the above are ways that our bodies and minds signal that the current level of demand is not sustainable. The problem is, we can ‘easily’ attribute them to other causes. They are ‘easy’ to manage in the short term with caffeine, distraction, or a holiday, or the promise that things will be different once the current pressured period is over. The problem is that the pressured period rarely ends in the way that was anticipated and it is generally replaced with a never ending conveyor belt of other stressors.

 

When stress becomes something more

Sustained stress that is not addressed tends to develop into something more entrenched. It is a significant risk factor for anxiety, depression, burnout, and physical ill health. When we dismiss our stress as ‘ordinary’ or ‘unavoidable’ we can find that over the weeks, months and years that follow, that the toll we have been carrying becomes considerably harder to shake.

 

What therapy can offer

Therapy for stress is not primarily about stress management techniques, though these do have their place. It is about understanding what is generating the stress and why it has become unsustainable: which demands are genuinely external and which are self-imposed, what patterns make certain pressures so difficult to resist or reduce, and what would need to change for the current situation to be genuinely different rather than temporarily relieved.

Therapy for stress can also help you to explore the aspects of self which may be encouraging, rather than deflecting stress. The way that ‘being stressed’ has perhaps become a character trait, rather than something external. The ways that the eternal juggle may make you feel valued, useful, and capable, rather than concerned. The way that being stressed may have been modelled, normalised, and upheld, in your early years.

If the stresses that you are carrying have stopped feeling manageable, or if stress has become so normalised over time that you have stopped considering it to be a problem, therapy may provide a helpful space to explore.

Dr Erin Reid is a counselling psychologist offering online therapy to individuals, couples, adolescents, and families across the UK and internationally, and 'Walk and Talk' therapy in Northwest London green spaces. Visit drerinreid.com to find out more.