Online Couples Therapy: What It is, How It Works, and Whether It Might Help

Most people who enquire about couples therapy have waited a long time before doing so. There tends to be a period, sometimes years, of managing difficulties independently, hoping things will improve, having conversations that do not quite land as intended. By the time an enquiry arrives, the situation has often been difficult for longer than either person would like to admit.

What couples therapy actually involves

Couples therapy is a space in which both partners can speak, and in which the relationship itself (rather than either individual) is the focus of attention. The therapist is not an arbiter and is not there to determine who is right or wrong. The aim is to understand what is happening between two people: what each person brings to the relationship dynamic, how those things interact, and what patterns have developed that are making the relationship difficult.

How online couples therapy works in practice

Sessions take place via video call, usually weekly or fortnightly, and last for 50 minutes. You each can join from the same (or different) locations. Therapy requires a private space where you both can speak freely. Some couples find the online format initially strange and then settle into it quickly. In my experience, as long as you and your partner commit to being genuinely present and engaged, the therapy process can work extremely well.

What therapy can help with

Couples therapy tends to be most useful when: recurring cycles of conflict occur; a gradual sense of distance or disconnection is noticed; significant life transitions shift the dynamic within the couple relationship; it occurs in the aftermath of a significant rupture, or when rebuilding trust requires more structure than the couple can provide alone.

What therapy cannot offer

Couples therapy is not a quick fix. It cannot make two people want the same things if they fundamentally do not. There are also situations where individual therapy may be more appropriate, either alongside couples therapy or instead of it.

How to raise couple therapy with a partner who is reluctant

It is not unusual for you or your partner to feel reluctant about considering couple therapy! Most people do not come to couples therapy with great enthusiasm; they come because something is not working as well as it could. Sometimes people feel worried that entering couples therapy may signal the end of the relationship, rather than a route back to each other. A useful framing is to present the desire to attend as a wish to find a different way of relating to each other and talking about something that truly matters, rather than as a verdict on the relationship or the person.

If you or your partner feel that your relationship could benefit from some attention and online couples therapy is something you would like to explore, you are welcome to be in touch.

Dr Erin Reid is a counselling psychologist offering online therapy to individuals, couples, adolescents, and families across the UK and internationally. Visit drerinreid.com to find out more.