Family Therapy: When One Person’s Difficulty is Everyone’s

When a difficulty emerges in a family, the most common response is to locate the issue within an individual, rather than the family system itself; the child who is anxious, the teenager who has withdrawn, the parent who is overwhelmed. While the individual experience is real and deserves attention, it does not always tell the full family story.

Family therapy starts from a slightly different premise: that the difficulties people experience are shaped in significant ways, by the relational systems that they are a part of.

 

Why individual therapy sometimes misses the wider picture

There are some situations where individual therapy addresses the symptoms of a relational dynamic without being able to reach into the dynamic itself. A client may leave each therapy session with useful insights however, they return home to the same family cycles and patterns. A child may find that their anxiety improves when they are away from the family, may then find that it reemerges when they return in the family environment. In these cases, working with the family as a whole can reach something that individual work cannot.

What family therapy can offer

Family therapy focuses on patterns. It considers the ways that family members communicate, the roles that have developed over time, the unspoken rules and scripts that shape how the family functions, and the ways difficulties are maintained by the family system (as an organism in its own right), rather than by any one individual within it. One of the core principles of systemic thinking is that difficulties in families are usually maintained by patterns that no one intended and that no one fully controls. Sometimes family patterns develop as solutions to previous situations that the family has since moved on from. Identifying and understanding these patterns and their functions, tends to be most useful and can facilitate long lasting changes that positively impact all family members.

Common situations where family therapy is appropriate

•       a child or young person is struggling and their difficulty seems connected to what is happening at home

•       conflict between family members has become entrenched and seems to not respond to previously successful resolution strategies

•       a significant life event (such as a life state transition, separation, bereavement, or illness) has had an impact across the family

•       communication has broken down to the point where important things are not being said, or cannot be heard

What sessions involve in practice

Family therapy sessions involve the relevant family members meeting together with a therapist (sometimes the whole family, sometimes a sub-group). Online family therapy takes place via video call, making sessions accessible for families with complex schedules or who are geographically dispersed. The therapy is active with all family members encouraged to participate. Families are often surprised (in the best possible way!) by what comes up and becomes ‘visible’ to all, when they meet together with a therapist whose role it is to attend to the whole family system, rather than putting any one person under the spotlight.

If you and your family feel that you might benefit from an opportunity to meet together with a neutral party who is invested in supporting you towards the changes that you all desire, you are welcome to be in touch.

Dr Erin Reid is a counselling psychologist offering online therapy to individuals, couples, adolescents, and families across the UK and internationally. Visit drerinreid.com to find out more.